(Curtian closed. Narrator and Orchestra take place at podium down stage right)
Narrator: Our play tonight is Omelet, by William Eggspeare. Omelet is the son of the recently deceased king of Hungary. His mother has hastily remarried. We begin with Scene One, a parapet upon the castle just before dawn. (In front of curtain)
(Guard 1 on sentry duty; Guard 2 enters to relieve Guard 1.)
Orchestra Night sound
Guard 1 Who goes there!
Guard 2 It's me. I'm here to relieve you.
G 1 Who sent you?
G 2 The new king, Colonel Sanders.
Orchestra Mysterious sound
G 1 Don't you think the old king's death was suspicious?
G 2 Yes! And the Queen married the Col. so quickly.
G 1 Everyone suspects they planned the whole thing.
G 2 And now the king's ghost has been seen around the castle.
G 1 That's a really bad omen.
G 2 Has it been seen tonight?
G 1 Not yet.
Orchestra Scary sound ~ The ghost appears
G 2 (Frightened!) Look! It's the king!
G 1 Looks more like chicken a-la-king.
Orchestra makes a sound like a cock crowing -- the ghost exits
G 2 It's an omen that means there will be trouble today.
G 1 There are some rotten eggs in the state of Hungary.
Orchestra Ominous sound
(Guards exit together.)
Narrator: Scene Two: The kitchen within the castle.
(Curtain opens)
Omelet (At table center stage with mixing bowl) To beat, or not to beat, that is the question....
(The Col. and the queen enter down stage unseen by Omelet)
Col. Do you think Omelet suspects that we arranged the king's death?
Queen That's hard to say...he seems to be acting a bit half-baked.
Omelet (Picks up rubber chicken and crosses down center) Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well. (To audience) I suspect the Queen and Col. Sanders killed the king, but if I am to avenge my father's murder, I must pretend to be a bit cracked. (Shows them chicken) Don't you think it looks a lot like Father?
Col. Looks more like dinner to me. (tastes) Mmmm. Finger lickin' good!
Queen Oh no, we cut off his head...OPPS!
Omelet I knew it! You did the dastardly deed!
(Fight ensues between Omelet and the Col., Queen stealthily adds poison to one goblet)
Queen You boys are getting all sweaty. Take a break.
(Col. drinks from poisoned goblet Fight continues. Queen adds poison to both goblets.)
Queen Ice cold milk...help yourselves.
(Both drink and die-Col. first, then Omelet)
Orchestra Death sound
Queen Oh what have I done. With all the men in my life gone by my deed, then I have nothing to live for. (She drinks from goblet and dies)
Orchestra Death sound
(Enter Guard 1 & 2)
G 1 I thought we left our shields in here...Look!
G 2 Oh my gosh--everyone's dead!
G 1 No...Look...Snacks!!
(Both put swords on table and drink from the goblets then die.)
Orchestra Death sound
Narrator And so ends out tragedy, but not without a moral, which is:
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.
To make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs.
Don't ruffle feathers the wrong way.
Egg beaters...the better choice.
Chicken--It's what's for dinner!
Don't you like our yokes?
(Starts to tell jokes--Orchestra gets sword off table)
You have been a great audience--a bunch of good eggs.
We think our play was really egg-ceptional.
But which came first, the chicken or the play?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get...
Orchestra Kills narrator, starts to make sound, but voice cracks--he drinks from goblet and dies.